Tuesday, April 12, 2011


I am worried lately. Worried about how I am going to get all my school work done: two learning modules with lots of reading, group Prezi, 500 word blog on Change Theory due Sunday and Tuesday; presentation, two 4-8 page papers due April 19-20 and May 2nd. This has me freaking out enough but then my job on top of it all! Superintendent is going to buildings telling everyone that all elementary art will be on a cart next year. There is no way I can manage pushing a cart around a huge building and teach proper art to 600 students. I want to scream but my alergies have left me horse. Plus, there will most likely be a big bid for jobs which means that all the art teachers get in a room and in order of senority choose the job (building) they want. I am 5th from the bottom of the list and two below me will probably loose their jobs this year. If I get STUCK at the same building I will probably end up going crazy. The principal alloted me $160 for materials and supplies for next year! I ordered paper which will give me approximately 10 sheets per student for the year. I have limited supplies in stock so I have no clue what I will do whether I am on a cart or not! I am seriously thinking that teaching is not for me. I never intended on teaching art. I just happened to have enough credits. I wanted to teach business ed. Unfortunately both have dwindling options for jobs. I have one class and a thesis project to finish by Dec 2011. The thesis project is also freaking me out. I am not sure there are enough anti-depressents to get me through the next year!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

School Work is Killing Me

Ok, it isn't killing me but it is truly stressing me out. I have two papers and two presentations to complete in the next three weeks. This wouldn't be so bad if I didn't feel as though I could just go to bed everyday when I get home from work. I do sound as if I am complaining but I know cannot focus on anything else until I have these things completed. On top of that is the fact I have the research class left to take and I must have my thesis project finished before December 2011 so I can keep my job. I am on my last certification extension. This situation weighs heavy on my mind. I feel as if I cannot move forward or do new things because I have only one focus. I am not a good academic. I have never had a lot of experience writing papers, so every one is a monumental task. I suck at organizing and writing papers. I often feel like quiting because I just don't think I can ever complete the thesis project. Much of it will be project based creating a website for elementary art teachers based on the National Standards but there will still be writing. Most of my friends and family have no idea that I have no confidence in my own intelligence. I have never felt book smart. Each college class I have taken I managed to muddle through but the stress eats me up. I feel myself failing. It gets harder to feel as if I can do it. I almost lost my job due to the state not getting my extension request done before my cert expired. I was almost greatful, figuring I wouldn't need to finish my graduate degree. I started thinking I could just go work at Lowe's.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Goal Oriented?

I have so many interests but when I think about doing something like try out for a play or go to my shop to build something I know that I cannot. Finishing my masters is the only real goal I have that is a necessity. I want to finish but I have serious anxiety about writing papers for the two classes I am currently taking and completing the thesis project by 12/15/11.

I have never been a confident student and I get overwhelmed at times with the readings. There is only so much time in my day that my concentration is at it's peek. Unfortuanatey, that peek is during the mid morning to early afternoon which is when I am working.

Ontop of the school issue I have medical issues including being overweight. I recently joined a gym and I have been taking Zumba, weight and step classes. Every class is painful but I feel better doing it than not.

Just a few things that are on my shoulders.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Here We Go!

Well, here is my first real blog so I figure I will just blurt out what ever comes into my head or what ever is going on in my life?

My teacher certification expired on Tuesday. I applied for an extension (finishing my masters) but the state is so far behind that they will probably not process it until after the next board meeting. I am currently being paid uncertified substitute pay and feeling sick to my stomach....

The school was going to fire me due to not currently being certified but instead they are allowing me to request a leave of absence no later than March 22. The thinking is the extension will be granted before that date which would be the next board meeting to fire me. This is partially my fault for applying for the extension on January 4th. I should have applied in like October! Some of my friends think I procrastinated because I don't really want to teach.

I do want to teach but not the age levels or district that I am in now. Some people want a career...I think I just want a job. I do not want my life to revolve around my work...I want my life to revolve around things I enjoy and that enrich my life, my camp on the St. Lawrence, my mom and dad, my partner (James)my dog (Willow), camping, fishing, painting, designing stuff and gardening.

My career is a means to get to do all of those things!